A “cold open” is the first minutes of a TV show before the first commercial break. They almost never connect to the episode’s central plot and instead feature a fully encapsulated and oft-hilarious storyline. It’s the show’s moment to pull you in and entice you to keep watching. The Office is well known for it’s killer cold opens, from the fire drill to the Kevin’s chili. But which one speaks to your zodiac sign? Read on to find out which The Office cold open you are. (And if I’ve sparked a renewed zeal for re-watching the show all over again, you can catch it on Peacock.)
You’re Dwight pepper-spraying Roy in “The Negotiation” (S03, E19).
Roy has just found out that Jim kissed Pam…and he’s furious. He marches into the office to assault everyone’s favorite floppy-haired prank master when Dwight jumps to his aid and pepper-sprays Roy right in the eyes–and everyone else in the process. It’s so sweet that Dwight jumps to save Jim, something any Aries would do if they sense even the tiniest chance that someone needs protecting.
You’re Kevin’s Chili in “Casual Friday” (S05, E26).
You just want to show the people you care about that you’re thinking of them, and what better way than to cook them your best food? Kevin’s best is his famous chili, and he’s been cooking it all night. You’re his sorrow as he accidently trips and dumps it all over the office carpet.
You’re the fire drill in “Stress Relief” (S05, E14).
You’re walking chaos, and nothing gets more chaotic than the literal best cold open of all time: The fire drill. Dwight has locked everyone in and set off a minor fire to see how everyone handles it. Spoiler alter: They don’t handle it well. While there’s lots to see here, one of the best moments is Angela throwing her secret cat up into the rafters.
You’re Stanley’s obliviousness in “Costume Contest” (S07, E06).
You notice things. You’re acutely aware of the vibes of everyone in the room. So you’d be just as gobsmacked as the rest of the office when they realize that Stanley pays no attention to absolutely anything happening in the office, even when people are sans-clothes or body-swapped.
You’re the boys doing parkour in “Gossip” (S06, E01).
You love attention, and if that means doing the latest trend sweeping the internet, you’re here for it. Much like Michael, Dwight, and Andy as they jump all over the office (and, regrettably, into empty refrigerator boxes from a great height) doing “parkour.” Admit it: You had a parkour phase. Or was it planking? Either way, this cold open screams Leo.
You’re Asian Jim in “Andy’s Ancestry” (S09, E03).
You’re not one for pranks, but if you do them, you’re epic. One of Jim and Pam’s most subtle yet amazing pranks is when they switched Jim for Randall Park while the former was at a dentist appointment. Watching Dwight short circuit as he questions everything he ever knew makes it worth the work.
You’re Phyllis listening to sexy audiobooks in “Promos” (S09, E18).
Admit it: You like reading saucy literature. That’s why you’d probably identify with Phyllis as she listens to 50 Shades of Grey in the office. Is it wildly inappropriate? Definitely. But it’s also incredibly hilarious. (You might deserve a bucket of ice water every now and then, too.)
You’re the faxes from future Dwight in “Branch Closing” (S03, E07).
Leave it to you to prank someone so covertly even from cities away. That’s what Jim did when he was working at Stamford, sending Dwight faxes from his own stationary. Of course Dwight would believe he’s getting info from his future self. He’s Dwight!
You’re Dwight’s identity theft in “Product Recall” (S03, E21).
Whether you want to admit it or not, you’d resort to pranks and jokes that get exceedingly personal. Probably the most personal of all of Jim’s pranks, he enters the office dressed as Dwight. Of course this classic gave us gems like “Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.” and “Identity theft is not a joke, Jim. Millions of families suffer every year!”
Your Dwight’s wrapping paper desk in “Moroccan Christmas” (S05, E11).
If you’re going to prank someone, you’re going to put in the work. Imagine how much time and how many papercuts it took for Jim to construct a facsimile of Dwight’s desk, computer, and knick-knacks in wrapping paper just for a two-minute prank. But you go hard, so you can probably relate.
You’re Dwight’s positive reinforcement in “Phyllis’ Wedding” (S03, E16).
It’s another of Jim’s pranks. This time, he’s using positive reinforcement to make Dwight salivate every time he hears Jim’s computer reboot. It’s a case of classic conditioning. Leave it to an Aquarius to go the nerdy route by using Pavlov’s dog experiment in a prank.
You’re the hotel murder prank in “Tallahassee” (S08, E15).
If you’re pranking someone, you want to see the emotions unfold. That’s exactly what Jim gets when he uses his free time to stage his hotel room as if he’d been murdered. Dwight’s on the case, but gets spooked when all signs point to him as the culprit.