A breakup is quite possibly the most gutting, painful, agonizing experience one can go through. And getting over a breakup can be a monumental task that can feel impossible, and once achieved, can give you that feeling of “I can literally do anything.”
Sometimes, there isn’t much that can be done to save your relationship and it’s best to just move on, as tough as that will be. Other times, a relationship can be resuscitated from being on the brink.
Breakups don’t usually happen one day. There is a buildup that occurs steadily over time. You can feel it on a visceral level when your partner is losing interest and pulling away, it’s just a feeling that hangs in the air and becomes almost palpable. The mistake a lot of people make is clinging even tighter to the relationship in a desperate attempt to get things back on track. This usually fails and things continue to disintegrate.
Fortunately, there are certain steps you can take to get your relationship back on track.
Here they are:
1. Do a self-check.
How is your self-confidence? Do you feel good about yourself? If you don’t, why not? Most relationship problems can be solved when one person fixes the relationship with him or herself. If you’re not feeling good about yourself, try to identify the source of your unhappiness and work to correct it.
It’s important to keep in mind that a relationship can’t make you happy. Happiness isn’t owed to you in a relationship and it isn’t something you can get from a relationship. Happiness is an internal state, it’s something you create for yourself and then you bring it into your relationship.
And I want to add- I’m not saying this is all on you and your partner doesn’t have to do anything. I’m just talking to you because you’re the only one that you have full control over! Hopefully, your partner will also be working on themselves to show up better in the relationship. Both people need to want it and one person should never have to do all the heavy lifting in a relationship.
2. Re-build other areas of your life.
A relationship can’t be the only thing you have going on in your life. This is actually one of the most common ways to ruin a relationship and kill attraction and intrigue.
It’s always important to make sure your life is well-rounded and that you have a lot going on aside from being in a relationship. Spend time with friends and family, make time for hobbies you enjoy, take up a new workout class, or indulge in some me-time. Find other ways to feel happy and fulfilled that have nothing to do with the relationship.
It’s helpful to write out all the main areas of your life and then see what percentage of your time you’re giving to each. If you notice major discrepancies, try to balance things out a bit.
3. Take a fun trip together.
Relationships can get stressful, especially when you hit a rough patch. The more stressed the two people in the relationship feel, the more tension there will be.
Sometimes it helps to break the cycle and get out and just have some fun and enjoy each other’s company. If your relationship is on the decline, suggest a vacation or even a fun weekend getaway to see if you can re-ignite the spark.
4. Give space.
If you feel like your partner is slipping away, often the best thing to do is just give him or her space to work through things on their own.
This is the opposite of how most people react in this situation. The more common response is to hit the panic button and cling to them even more tightly in a misguided attempt to get them back…which only causes them to pull further away. If you can give them space to sort themself out, they will come to appreciate you even more.
5. Be the person they fell in love with.
Try to remember how you were in the beginning and what it was about you that got your partner so hooked. Think about how you may have changed since then, and how you might be able to get back to that place, back to being that person. It may also help to remind your partner of the early days. Maybe look over old photos or listen to songs that remind you of better times. Nostalgia can be a powerful tool, it always creates a sense of yearning within us to try to stir that up.
At the end of the day, it’s important to realize that not every relationship can be saved. Sometimes it just isn’t a match and that’s OK. Two people can love each other very much and not be compatible. Love isn’t always meant to last; sometimes people come into our lives as part of the journey, not the destination.