Lying to others is wrong, but lying to yourself is an absolute tragedy.
“Earlier today, in the last few hours before she went into a coma, she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she has had in the last two years, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer. ‘I’ve accomplished so much recently,’ she said. ‘If I had only known, I would have started sooner. I wouldn’t have told myself all those little lies that prevented me from truly living every day of my life.’”
I recorded those lines in my journal exactly 12 years ago today, right after I had a conversation with a good friend of mine who was desperately fighting for her life. It honestly still breaks my heart to know it was a battle she ultimately lost. She never awoke from that coma.
For over a decade now I’ve lived with my late friend’s last words to me echoing in the back of my mind. I’ve let her sentiments guide me through thick and thin. Specifically, I’ve committed myself to noticing when those little lies she mentioned creep up in my subconscious mind. The list below is a highlight of those little lies, along with some key points of clarity I try to remember — some good reminders we all need.
I pass this list on to you in hopes that the next time you decide to unclutter your life and clean up your space, you start with your intellectual space by clearing out the old subconscious lies and negative self-talk you sometimes recite to yourself. And I hope my friend’s last words to me linger in your mind too, as fuel for making every day count.
It’s time to STOP telling yourself…
- I don’t have enough yet to be happy. – In every mistake and struggle there is a message. Some people miss the message because they’re too busy berating themselves for the mistake, or fretting obsessively over the problem. To be upset about what you don’t have is always a waste of what you do have. The happiest people are rarely the luckiest, and they usually don’t have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes their way. The reason so many people give up is because they tend to look at what’s missing, and how far they still have to go, instead of what’s present, and how far they have come.
- My dreams are impossible. – Don’t let someone who gave up on their dreams talk you out of going after yours. The best thing you can do in life is follow your intuition. Take calculated risks. Don’t just make the safe and easy choices because you’re afraid of what might happen. If you do, nothing will ever happen. And if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. So let your dreams be bigger than your fears and your actions speak louder than your words. Do something every day that your future self will thank you for.
- I am stuck with people who hurt me. – Life is too short. Look out for yourself. If someone continuously mistreats you, have enough respect for yourself to create some healthy boundaries. It may hurt for a while, but it’ll be OK. You’ll be OK. Oftentimes walking away has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength. We walk away not because we want others to realize our worth, but because we finally realize our own worth.
- My failed relationships were a waste of time. – There are certain people who aren’t meant to fit into your life, but no relationship is ever a waste of time. If it doesn’t bring you what you want, it teaches you what you DON’T want. We rarely lose friends, we just gradually figure out who our real ones are. Never force someone to make a space in their life for you, because if they know your worth, they will surely create one for you. And remember, when you’re up, your ‘friends’ know who you are, when you’re down, you know who your “real friends” are. It usually just takes some time to figure it all out. (Note: Marc and I take a deeper dive into difficult relationships in our book, “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
- Things will never get better. – There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall. Because that’s part of living — to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become. When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and cannot find your way out of the darkness, remember that this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings. Just because today is a terrible day doesn’t mean tomorrow can’t be the best day of your life. You just got to get there.
- Failure is bad. – Sometimes you have to fail a hundred times to succeed. And no matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying. So don’t get so hung up on one failed attempt that you miss the opening for many more. All of your ideas that don’t work are simply stepping stones on your way to the one idea that does. And remember, failure is not falling down; failure is staying down when you have the choice to get back up. Always get back up! Oftentimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Great things will come to me with ease. – In various ways, we are who we choose to be. Nobody’s going to come and save you, you’ve got to save yourself. Nobody’s going to give you anything, you’ve got to go out and earn it. Nobody knows what you want except for you. And nobody will be as sorry as you if you don’t achieve it. So never leave your key to happiness in someone else’s pocket, and don’t wait on someone else to build your life for you. Be the architect and keeper of your own path. And remember that the more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek. (Read Emotional Freedom.)
- My past is indicative of my future. – At some point, we’ve all made mistakes, been walked on, been used and forgotten. We’ve let people take advantage of us, and we’ve accepted way less than we deserve. But we shouldn’t regret one moment of it, because in those moments we’ve learned a lot from our bad choices. We’ve learned who we can trust and who we can’t. We’ve learned the meaning of real friendship. We’ve learned how to tell when people are lying and when they’re sincere. We’ve learned how to be ourselves, and appreciate the truly great people and things in our lives as they arrive. And even though there are some things we can never recover and people who will never be sorry, we now know better for next time.
- I don’t need to meet anyone new. – It sounds harsh, but you cannot keep every friend you’ve ever made. People and priorities change. As some relationships fade others will grow. Appreciate the possibility of new relationships as you naturally let go of old ones that no longer work. Trust your judgment too. Embrace new relationships, knowing that you are entering into unfamiliar territory. Be ready to learn, be ready for a challenge, and be ready to meet someone that might just change your life forever.
- I can’t live without those who are gone. – If someone comes into your life and has a positive impact on you, but for some reason they can’t stay, do your best not to resist this evolution. Be thankful that your paths crossed and that they somehow made you happy, even if it was just for a short while. Life is change. People really do come and go. Some come back, some don’t, and that’s okay. And just because one person leaves, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who’s still standing by your side. Continue to appreciate what you have, and smile about the memories.
- I’m not ready because I’m not good enough yet. – Nobody ever feels 100% ready when an opportunity arises. Because most great opportunities in life force us to grow beyond our comfort zones, which means we won’t feel totally comfortable at first. Stop berating yourself for being a work in progress. Start embracing it! Because being a work in progress doesn’t mean you’re not good enough today; it means you want a better tomorrow, and you wish to love yourself completely, so you can live your life fully. It means you’re determined to heal your heart, expand your mind and cultivate the gifts you know you’re meant to share. You are ready. You just need to start.
- I have way too much to lose. – In the end you will not regret the things you have done nearly as much as the things you have left undone. Trust me, after that last conversation I had with my friend as she rested on her deathbed, I can honestly say most of us would rather look back at life and say, “I can’t believe I did that!” instead of, “I wish I would have…” It’s just easier to process a few “Oh wells,” than it is to process a bunch of “what ifs.” It’s easier to have a lifetime full of mistakes that you learned from, rather than a heart full of regrets and empty promises to yourself.
Now, it’s your turn…
I challenge you to put the reminders in this article to good use — to tune in to that inner voice of yours, and circumvent those little lies your subconscious mind likes to recite to you, so you can get out of your own way in the days and weeks ahead.
And before you go, please leave Marc and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this post. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
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Photo by: Brittney Bush
