How to tell if a guy really likes you — and what to do about it.
We need to talk about knowing if a guy likes you and what to do about it. This is a massive source of confusion for most women, actually for most people in general!
It’s hard to see clearly when your heart is on the line and your emotions are activated. Sometimes this causes us to see what we want to see. Other times we’re not being delusional… the situation is just straight-up confusing.
Maybe you’re dating someone and one week they are all in, it seems like everything is going amazing, it seems like this might be it… and just as you start to feel really excited about the possibilities… he pulls away, or maybe he ghosts you.
Now you really feel like you’ve been knocked sideways. You’ve lost your trust in him, your trust in mankind, and worst of all, your trust in yourself.
I know it feels confusing. So I’m going to clarify everything for you so we have no more questions and we can move forward feeling empowered and confident.
1. If a guy likes you… it’s obvious.
Usually, if a guy likes you it will be obvious. As in no hidden clues to uncover, no need to analyze and assemble a council of your girlfriends to vote on what things mean.
It will be clear and obvious, with no room for doubt or discussion. If you have to ask if he likes you… then it usually means he doesn’t.
2. If a guy likes you … it’s going to take a hell of a lot to talk him out of it.
This is an important one. If a guy likes you, his interest isn’t going to turn on and off like a light switch. He’s not going to be put off by something you said or did or the fact that you texted too many times in a row or used too many emojis.
If a guy is looking for reasons to write you off, he just never liked you enough in the first place. Maybe he was mildly interested and attracted, but he didn’t like you enough to really want to take things further.
Stop beating yourself up thinking about what you did wrong or what you wish you had done differently. I promise it wouldn’t have made a difference. You’re just jackhammering your self-esteem into the ground by playing that game.
Now look, I have to add that it’s always important to work on yourself and be the best version of yourself. Don’t be one of those “I am the way I am, take it or leave it” people because you’ll never grow. And you can’t just expect to behave like a total nightmare and for people to accept you because this is the way you are.
No one expects you to be at your best all day every day, that’s an impossible standard. But always be growth-oriented. And if you do slip up, it will not scare away a guy who genuinely likes you. It will only scare away the guys who were on the fence about you and that’s a good thing, let them go!
3. If a guy likes you…. Your showing interest in him will be a good thing!
A lot of women have this fear that showing interest in a man will scare him away, but this is ridiculous! If a guy likes you, then your showing interest in him will be seen as a good thing. Only an insecure man with a weak ego would be put off by such a thing.
I think this idea gained traction because it is true that men are put off by neediness. Neediness is a state of mind more than a set of behaviors, the state of mind is one that says, “I need you in order to feel OK. I need you to validate me otherwise I will suffer.”
It is also off-putting to show so much interest and be so invested in a guy you barely know. When you do this, it’s usually coming from an unhealthy place, a place of you attaching something to him. Maybe you see him as a chance to finally have a boyfriend and not feel alone, maybe you see him as a chance to feel better about yourself, maybe you see him as the chance to save you from something, to heal you, to ease your loneliness or pain.
So yes, this is where being overzealous with your interest can be a bad thing, but if you are showing interest in him because you are genuinely interested in him … and he is interested in you … then your interest will make him feel like the luckiest man alive!
4. If a guy likes you … he will be consistent.
The whole “does he like me?” question gets confusing because it’s not so cut and dry. If he was straight up ignoring you or rejecting you, then yes, it’s clear he’s not interested. But sometimes a guy can seem super interested one day, and then show zero interest the next… a behavior often known as sending “mixed messages” or being “hot and cold.”
It’s confusing because he does like you a little bit, so you’re not delusional… he just doesn’t like you enough.
Mixed messages are usually one clear message: he’s unsure of you.
When a guy likes you, he will be consistent. He will consistently call or text, there will be consistency in how often you see each other. And there will also be an escalation. You won’t be stagnant. You won’t be hitting a new relationship milestone every day because that’s not realistic, but you won’t be in this dead zone of things just being stagnant, where you’re stuck in the “talking phase” or “situationship” phase with no way out.
5. If a guy likes you… you just need to exist.
You don’t need to plot or plan or strategize or craft the perfect text. You don’t need to stage casual “accidental” run-ins. You don’t need your friends to talk to his friends.
You don’t need to go digging through his social media pages trying to figure out what his story is- who is he following? Who follows him? What posts does he like? Who’s liking his stuff?
Stop working so hard, you don’t need to do anything to get him to like you. Just exist. Exist and show some interest in him so he’s not afraid of rejection- all that requires is warmth and a genuine smile.
If you have to pull out all the stops and all the tricks to get him to notice you, then he ain’t the guy for you! The right guy for you wants to be with you and makes this known.
That’s all you need to know!