LetterKenny Quotes: Rural Quips From Genius Hicks
LetterKenny was a smash right from the start, so it’s no surprise that after nine six-episode seasons (and several holiday specials) there are a truckload of LetterKenny quotes and slang terms floating around the infosphere.
With a cast that includes creator Jared Keeso, Nathan Dales, Michelle Mylett and K. Trevor Wilson (just to name a few) the show is full of sharp dialogue and profane humor, all spoken in a distinctly Ontario-style rural accent, there bud. Oddly enough, this series actually started out a lot smaller, initially conceived in 2013 as a short-format Youtube series.
At that time, “LetterKenny Problems” (the original name for the show) was mostly just a series of one-liners between Keeso and Dales. But before long the show grew, it won awards, won our hearts, and eventually evolved to land on television in 2016.
Brought to life by Keeso and writer/director Jacob Tierney, the series details the lives of the residents of a small rural community in Ontario. LeterKenny hasn’t only brought its loyal fanbase a ton of laughs, but a number of enduring and popular quotes into pop culture as well.
So why is LetterKenny so eminently quotable?
Why people love to quote LetterKenny
The show’s quotability is definitely linked to the barbed dialogue and contagious hometown slang, but it might also have to do with one of its running gags, in which most characters seem to have the ability to opine on worldly topics or spout witticism with ease. This was a tactic employed by the writers to combat some of the unfair stereotyping of rural folk as simple folk.
While the simple-mindedness of small town communities is a myth, of course, it doesn’t mean that LetterKenny doesn’t also play on the other side of the small town gag as well. They also fully embrace the goofy, and sometimes-biting low brow humor that has endeared them to audiences in both Canada and the United States, taking the piss out of each other on a regular basis.
A few of the best LetterKenny quotes and slang
“Well, there’s nothing better than a fart. Except for kids falling off bikes, maybe. Fuck, I could watch kids falling off bikes all day, I don’t give a fuck about your kids.”
“You wanna come to a super soft birthday party?”
“You wanna walk around town spelling like that? Ok?! I’ll spell with you any day of the week and I suggest you let that one marinate.”
“If you have a problem with the majestic Canadian Goose, then you have a problem with me. And I suggest you let that one marinate.”
“What’s up with your body hair, your big shoots? You look like a 12-year-old Dutch girl.”
“Do-re-mi, 19, go fuck yourself”
“Hey! He said simmers down so simmers down! Why don’t you go eat some tartares ya snail sucking mime lovers?!”
“Well nots to be impolite but this gal suggested that maybe I should have some attentions paid to my butthole. That ever happen to you guys?”
“Oh, I got so much time for sushi.”
“You lose a lot of heat in the neck.”
“You wish there was a pied piper for possums but there isn’t. So you’re just gonna have to keep picking them off with a 22. Buckle up because they’re fucking ugly. Of course, that’s not to say I have it all my damn self.”
“Boulevard of broken dreams!”
“Pitter-patter, let’s get at her.”
LetterKenny Quotes: The Show Has Teeth
Their creators believe that they’re the furthest thing from a safe comedy, and they may have a point. “The show has teeth,” says creator Jared Keeso, heard here in an interview on CBC. Part of the appeal of a show like LetterKenny is that because of their partnerships with Crave, Bell and Hulu, they can continue to push the envelope and get away with a level of ball-breaking that just wouldn’t be acceptable at some of the larger broadcast networks.
But before we get too far into our favorite quotes from the show, let’s explore some of the characters, and more importantly, the humorous slang used in LetterKenny quotes. It’s important to get a handle on some of the hometown slang used in the show, because without a working knowledge of their inside jokes, watching LetterKenny for the first time might be akin to deciphering a foreign language film without the subtitles on.
I could watch kids fall off bikes all day
The show’s creator, Jared Keeso, plays Wayne. Wayne is the leader of one of the show’s tribes (The Hicks), and is often found wearing a flannel shirt tucked into his jeans. As a hard-working farmer, Wayne grows beans, runs a produce stand, and is also known to shoot varmints. Working the produce stand with his sister Katy and his buddies Daryl and Squirrly Dan, Wayne is the toughest guy in the town of LetterKenny, but only fights when provoked.
Some of Wayne’s more endearing slang terms include:
- “pitter patter,” which is short for “pitter patter, let’s get at her” and is a way for him to express his impatience
- “10-ply,” a reference to toilet paper and a way to describe someone who is extremely soft
- “spare parts,” an insult that refers to someone who acts disrespectfully, likening them to someone who comes from the bottom of the barrel.
Nathan Dales stars as Daryl, Wayne’s best friend since childhood and constant companion. Somewhat unrefined, “Darry,” as he is known to his friends, drives a broken-down van, likes to drink beer and is both quick-witted and possessed of a large vocabulary with which helps him hurl insults when necessary.
One of his favorite quips involves advising someone to “take about 20% off,” which means that they should pull back on their current effort or behavior, and is often used in relation to ogling one of the female characters on the show. Another of Daryl’s quips has to do with muscle shirts, as in “I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow?”
Katy, played by Michelle Mylett, is Wayne’s independent, assertive and free-spirited sister. The winner of the LetterKenny Adult Spelling Bee nine years running, she started off the series in a polyamorous relationship with Reilly and Jonesy, and has uttered quotes such as “Well that was well brought up, too bad you weren’t,” and “Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the f*cking windshield.”
One of the other main characters is Dan, played by K. Trevor Wilson. Known endearingly as “Squirrly Dan” by his Hick friends above, Dan is bearded and heavyset, spends a lot of time with the gang above at the farm, and is rarely without his overalls and baseball cap.
Known for his farts, his long-windedness and his oversharing of details of a sexual nature, one of his peccadillos is to pluralize words that don’t need it. For example, he’s been known to say things like “I appreciates you.”
The Hockey players
Alongside the Hicks, the Hockey Players represent another distinct group in the LetterKenny universe. While there are several characters that belong to this group, the two most important are Reilly and Jonesy. Their archetype is bro-jock, and speak in what some might consider an impenetrable sports slang.
More iconic LetterKenny phrases
“We only got one shot at this. One chance. One win. You know? Vomit on your mom’s spaghetti, or whatever that talking singer says.”
“Fuck you Jonesy! Your mom just liked my Instagram post from 2 years ago in Puerto Vallarta. Tell her I’ll put my swim trunks on for her any time she likes.”
“Tim’s, McDonald’s, and the beer store are all closed on Christmas Day. And that’s your whole world right there.”
“It’s a hard life picking stones and pulling teats, but as sure as God’s got sandals, it beats fighting dudes with treasure trails.”
“Here’s a poem. Starlight, star bright, why the fuck you got earrings on? Bet your lobes ain’t the only thing that got a hole punched in ’em.”
“Your sister’s hot, Wayne! There I said it! I said it! I regret nothing! I regret nothing!” –
“You knew your pal had come into money when he started throwing out perfectly good pistachios like he was above cracking ‘em open with a box cutter like the rest of us.”
“Oh, come on, kitten. I won’t tell anyone.”
“I see the muscle shirt came today. Muscles coming tomorrow? Did ya get a tracking number? Oh, I hope he got a tracking number. That package is going to be smaller than the one you’re sporting now.”
“Well, I’d say give your balls a tug, but it looks like your pants are doing it for you.”
“Call me a cake, ‘cause I’ll go straight to your ass, cowboy!”
“Fuck you, Jonesy, your life is so pathetic I get a charity tax break just by hanging around you!”
“The bottom inch of a beer bottle is 50% spit”
“A smoke and a beer go together like a piss and a fart.”
“Got anymore of that electric lettuce? These darts aren’t doing it.”
“Fuck, lemony snicket, what a series of unfortunate events you been through, you ugly fuck.”
Kids falling off bikes maybe
Insulting one another and being mean is just another tough guy version of showing your feelings, and to the surprise (and delight) of the creators, LetterKenny found a welcome audience in parts of the world they never would have initially expected.
The show gets huge numbers from the (very) rural-friendly southern United States and, oddly enough, Australia. What’s the appeal for Australians? God only knows! Whatever it is, LetterKenny has tapped into some of that magic sauce, and they’ll enjoy their luck connecting with audiences, never mind the reason.
And after all, even though there is a lot of chirping, it never crosses the line into bullying, which is the most important thing. Keeping that kind of distinction is important for the show. Not only is it not right, but bullying is also super lame – not the direction the show wants to take. In the end, the show has heart, which is one of the reasons that so many people love to quote it.
Even more LetterKenny sayings
“Three things: I hit you, you hit the pavement and I jerk off on your driver’s side door handle.”
“If you had as many bucks in your wallet as bucks mounted on your wall you’d have, well, give or take six bucks”
“Oh I’m stomping the brakes, put that idea right through the fucking windshield.”
“It’s a four-leaf clover, make a wish.” Wayne: Wish you weren’t so fucking awkward, bud.”
“On a scale from one to America, how free are you right now?”
“Yes dear, pick up milk on the way home. That’s a Texas sized 10-4.”
“You’re a cup of baby carrots, ya fucking asshole.”
“Time to take about 20% off the meth intake, boys.”
“All butts are gay, but not all gays have butts.”
“It’s always ok to fart when you’re alone. Accept when you’re in elevators. That’s uncouth.”
“I’m so upset about my perennials.”
“I won’t go down in history but I’ll go down on you.”
“Your dad says guys with big trucks have little dinks. And that makes sense cuz you want a real big truck and got a real little dink.”
“You stopped toe curling in the hot tub ‘cause you heard sperms stay alive in there and you’ve seen Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles enough times to know how that story ends.”
“You ever hoover schneef off a sleeping cow’s spine?” “I’ve hoovered schneef off an awake cow’s teet.”
“It’s like algebra… why you gotta put numbers and letters together? Why can’t you just go fuck yourself?”
“You naturally care for a little companionship, but I guess there’s a lot worse things than playing a little one-man couch hockey in the dark.”
Contagious slang: the foundation for success
The quotability factor, including classics like “pitter patter, let’s get at ‘er” or “Lots to do, Lobster Stew” stems in part from the lingo co-creator Keeso picked up while playing competitive hockey back home in Listowel, Ontario, and partly from the sayings sourced from other small towns across the country.
Whether the quotes are coming from Jocks, the Skids or the Hicks, there is an undeniable appeal that home-town slang has, and it has helped hook in viewers to the show and keep the LetterKenny quotes flowing after nine seasons.
Here’s to nine more!